I am back.....for a little while I think!!!

Ok well it has been forever since I have been on my blog.  I am really going to try harder to be better at this, however I am not making any promises.  You all have seen how horrible I have done in the past when I said I was going to be better.  Here is to wishful thinking!!!

Wow can you believe it is 2014?  It seems crazy but it is a welcomed year.  Last year was a bad one for me and I am making sure this is the best year so far in my life.  As we all do I have goals/resolutions that I would love to obtain this year. Mine vary from spiritual goals to physical goals.  I have quite a lot of them and I am hoping to tackle each of them this year.  So here is my New Year's Resolutions (I have 3 more than what is on here but they are personal and I didn't want them on here!)

-Save money

-Read 40 books

-Finish The Book of Mormon

-Eat healthy

-Work out 5 days a week

-Be a better wife/mom

-Be more understanding

-Be happier

-Stop talking negatively about anyone including myself

- Be kind to everyone

-Be of service to others

-Pay tithing

 So here is to hoping I can make all of my goals this year.  I am excited for what this year will bring!!

I came across this picture today and I totally thought of my Brylie:)  Love that little girl!

What I needed today

I am going through a lot in my life.  I have been going through a lot this year.  My trials at times have had me down on my knees bawling.  There have been times I have felt I couldn't move forward.  I am doing a lot better than I thought I ever could be though on most days.  My life has taken a huge turn that I honestly didn't expect to happen for years (or really ever to be completely honest).  I know I am doing what I should be doing, I am where I need to be.  I am also so scared for the future so scared for the present.  I really needed to hear these sweet words today:

Don’t you stop. Don’t you dare give up. Not even for a moment. Even through the worst of times you can feel Him. Do not stop yourself. Help is always there. Comfort is always there. Christ is always there. Not ever will He leave. Not once. Not even for a second. Turn to Him. Trust. Listen. Keep going always. And receive the best ever created for you. You can do this. And it will be greater than you ever could have imagined for yourself. And you will look back and be blown away and left speechless with the direction your life has gone in.

I can't see what the future will hold and what will happen on this path that I am on.  I have to let go of my fears and just trust in the Lord.  Trust that what I am doing is right and that there is a plan for me.  I also have to trust in Him to know that all things are ok.  That people who I have lost in the last few months they are OK.  They are happy and they are at peace and that there is something more grand in store for them.  I will keep going, I won't give up:)

Tuedays Tips

To make blogging a little easier for me I have decided to follow my friend Denise's daily blog ideas.  Thanks Denise for making me look forward to blogging and ideas to blog about:)
So Tuesdays will now be Tuesday's Tips.  Any craft tip I can share, recipe or really anything I will share with you.


On Friday Brylie had her tonsils and adenoids removed.  Which is not fun.  We have had to eat a lot of soft foods.  So mostly we have eaten soup, cottage cheese, pancakes, mac n cheese and mashed potatoes.  The day of her surgery when we got home I found a good recipe for some Cream of Broccoli and decided to make it.  It would be something easy for Brylie to eat plus the warmth would help her that much more.  I wasn't sure about this recipe because I have one recipe that I love and I hate to try new things.  Once I go done making my soup I got a spoon and took a taste.  DELICIOUS is what hit my mouth.  This soup is so yummy and best of all it only takes about a half hour start to finish.  I decided I will share the recipe so you can enjoy it as well:)  I doubled mine but the recipe below is not doubled:

1 10 3/4 oz can cream of chicken
1 tsp chicken bouillon
Broccoli
4 baking potatoes peeled and cubed
1 cup sour cream
2 cups water

Put your water, peeled and cut potatoes, chicken bouillon, and broccoli into a pan salt and pepper to taste and boil until veggies are soft.  When they are done mash the veggies.  Mix in your cream of chicken soup and sour cream.  DONE! See told you it was super super easy.  The only thing I did different on mine other than doubling it was I added an extra tsp of chicken bouillon.  You can add cheese or carrots just depending on what you like. 

So there you have it some delicious soup for a cold night or just for a wonderful and easy meal:)  Happy eating all!!!

Memory Monday

Hi peeps.  It has been a while since I have blogged.  I am going to change that (I seriously am going to try better this time around.)  A lot of things have been happening in my life the last little while.  Which is part of the reason I have not been keeping up on here.  I have been sad and happy, stressed and blessed all at the same time.  It has been a crazy little while here in my world.
With my week being a really crappy one I figured I would make my blog happy.  That is how the world should be.  So today is now Memory Monday on my blog!  Hopefully I can remember enough memories lol!

The memory I chose for today is one of my favorites a  memory that has been on my mind a lot lately.  I am not sure why but ever since my brother passed away this memory hits me every single day.  It is a simple memory but the thing I think remember most from this memory is my brothers smile.  I have been trying to find words to describe his smile.  Contagious, lively, happy but most important was the way I felt seeing it I felt loved and warm inside.  His smile alone made me feel as though my heart were full and everything in the world was perfect.  Who knew a smile from one person could be so amazing.

When we were little my brothers best friend Chad pretty much lived at our house.  Chad and Mike were always either teaching me how to get into trouble or they would gang up on me although they were never mean, at least that is how I like to think.  Whether they were throwing tennis balls at me, teaching me how to slide down the stairs in sleeping bags (by they way this was a ton of fun!!!) or hiding things from me they were always finding something to pester the little sister with.  One day when they came down stairs I was in our, at the time play room/ tv room, coloring away in my coloring book with some new markers.  Of course one of them ,I am not sure which one started, but the other of course followed in the others footsteps and took one too.  I got mad at this point.  Hello if you don't know me I love pens, pencils, markers and crayons and here they were stealing my brand new markers.  I finally blew, I took the lid off of one and threw it at them.  I hit my target and a big purple line ran down Chads face!  Victory was mine for about a second if that.  Little did I know by doing that I started a full blown marker war.  There were markers flying everywhere.  As you would run for cover markers would be flying towards you in all directions.  I remember laughing so hard.  I soon forgot how this whole war started the three of us were just having so much fun.  By the time our marker war ended we were each colored with marker lines all over us.

I love this memory.  It probably seems like such a strange memory but to me it holds a special place in my heart.  It reminds me of a simpler time.  A time when all things were never taken too seriously and life was about having fun with family and friends.  In my mind I can see both of their faces and it brings a smile to my face.  A smile that today was surely needed!

Trying to be more like HER

We all have people we look up to in life.  People who inspire us to want to be better who show us the way life is meant to be. 
I have a very special person whom I look up to.  Look down would be a better choice of words because the person who does this for me is my 5 year old (almost 6) baby girl Brylie.  I am not sure what God was thinking when he sent me such an amazing little spirit, but I am sure he knew she was what each and every family member needed in their lives.  I am blessed to be her mom, her friend, her teacher and her pupil.

Words alone can't express how I feel about this little girl and what a profound effect she has on me and my life.  Brylie is only 5 yet she is so wise beyond her years.  Anyone and everyone who comes in contact with Brylie is drawn in to her.  She does something to people, she brings out the best in every one and when you are around her you just can't help but feel happiness and joy. 

As most everyone knows these last few months have been hard on me.  Losing my brother was the hardest thing I have gone through in my life.  Not only because I lost him but because my little girl lost her uncle who she loves and adored.  Things are getting better although I still have my sad days and moments.  However when I have them and Brylie is around she always reminds "Mommy be happy don't cry, uncle Mike is happy.  Uncle Mike loves you."  She warms my heart and I know that she is absolutely correct.  I believe with all my heart that her veil is very thin and she has stayed so close to the veil.  I believe God has a special mission for her and if I do say so myself she is doing an incredible job on her mission. 

Brylie came into this world a fighter.  From the time she was just a few weeks old whenever she ate she would projectile vomit everywhere (ok I know you all wanted to hear that so much sorry) she also could not go to the bathroom.  Our doctor told us it was a severe case of acid reflux.  When you become a mom I think you are granted this 6th sense.  You know what is true and what is not true about your child.  I knew Brylie didn't have acid reflux yet no one would listen to me.  Finally after about 2 years someone finally figured it all out she has Arnold Chiari and Hydrocephalus and would need to have a shunt put in.  It was a scary time for our family.  This meant they would have to drill into Brys head and I wasn't sure I could handle that.  Needless to say everything went fine.  During all of this all the throwing up and so many more problems Brylie never lost her happiness.  After surgery she came out smiling happy as could be. 
Brylie is always happy she always has a big smile on her face and a hug for everyone.  She sees people as people.  She doesn't see skin color, deformities, fat, skinny, smart, not so smart she sees beyond all of that and sees what is inside every single one of us.  She loves every person she meets and it seems as though they are instantly attracted to her.

I don't know what I have done to be so deserving of such an amazing child to be brought into my life.  She is what everyone in our family has needed she has filled our hearts with so much joy, happiness and love. 
I think Heavenly Father knew my journey in life would have some bumps along the way, he knew at some point my heart would be harden and I would start to lose my way in this life.  I believe without a single doubt in my mind that he sent her here to soften my heart, to make me see the world an the people in this world in a different way.  She shows me that each day has beauty in it and everyone is deserving of love like they have never known.  Unbelievable things have happened since she has been in my life.  I have been touched like I have never felt before I have been LOVED as I never have before.  I thank Heavenly Father for caring for me so much to know exactly what I would need in this life.  He knew it would take a special someone and he delivered her into my arms.  I have learned from her and her struggles that no one deserves to be judged for we don't know the battles they may be fighting in their own lives.  Every single person deserves to be treated equal and deserves to be treated how we ourselves want to be treated. 

I want to apologize to any one and everyone who may read this who I may have made feel bad, uncomfortable or that I don't like you.  I am sorry if I have ever judged you, talked not so nice of you or been snotty to you.  I am trying to change.  I am trying to be more like HER.  Mostly I want to thank my little girl Brylie.  Thank you for showing me just how beautiful life can be thank you for loving me unconditionally and for always seeing past what I think are flaws in myself.  I love you more than words will ever be able to describe.  You my princess are beautiful inside and out and you are wise beyond your years.  Heaven holds a special place for you and I hope I can be deserving enough to be next to you when that time comes.  I love you!

Hello

You would think that yesterday would have been hard for me.  I don't know maybe the day was too busy, maybe my phone rang off the hook because that is what I needed was a distraction.  Sadly today is super slow and I have a lot of time to think.  I don't like thinking somedays they take me places I don't want to go, places that I can't seem to leave.  Everyone tells me to remember the happy memories and I promise I do remember them I just miss you so incredibly much.

I love driving in the car by myself.  It gives me a chance to talk to you and tell you all the things that have happened in the month since you left us.  I try to talk to you every chance I get.  It makes me feel good to know that you are all around me watching and listening to me.  I wish I could hear your voice back.  Sometimes I feel your arms wrap around me but then I think I am just crazy it can't be can it?  I have done a lot of thinking since you have been gone.  How I want my life to be and what kind of a person I want to be.  It is hard to give yourself a good look in the mirror and admit all the things that you want to change.  Not the physical part but the inner part of you.  For example I want to be a more kind and loving person, one who doesn't speak mean of others.  I want to be someone that I want Brylie to grow up to be.  Truth be told I want to be more like you in that aspect of life.  You had the kindest and most loving heart.  I miss that.
The last few days a memory keeps popping in my head.  It is the same memory time and time again. At first I really didn't understand why this memory was one I kept thinking of.  Then I realized it makes me laugh and I can see you laughing so hard and I am grateful to keep having the memory play in my head.  Your laugh was contagious and whenever I heard you laughing it spread like a wildfire.  Maybe it is you making sure memories pop up when I need them.  They seem to be what I need at that exact moment in life and they help push me through.  I guess it really is my Guardian Angel just watching over me and making sure I am happier and that the sadness doesn't overcome me.
I have started writing my bucket list.  Things I want to accomplish before I have to say goodbye to this life.  You will be proud to know the top thing on my list is to skydive.  I wish you and I could have gone together but I know that you will be right there beside me.  I want so many things out of my life because you didn't get them in yours.  I want to embrace this life and love it for everything it has to give.  There will be bad days but on those bad days I will think back to the good days and know they aren't too far away.  This may sound bad but thank you for giving me this gift.  Who knew even in death you would still make sure to give.  I want so much more out of life and as the days continue to get a little easier I know I will work towards that.  Thank you for showing me things in life that only a big brother could.  Thank you for taking the time out of your day to always be my friend and always make sure I had someone to play house with or even barbies with.  Thank you for sharing your smile, smirk and laugh with me.  Thank you for the unconditional love you always had for me.

I love you

I love it

Life has been rough for me the past few weeks.  Someone that I love so dearly was taken from me.  My older brother Mike passed away on January 18th.  It has been the hardest thing I have and still am going through.  I have realized things in my life in the days since his death.  Never take the ones you love for granted they could be gone in a split second.  Make sure you let others know how much you love and adore them.  I will never get to tell my brother face to face these things again, although I do tell him every single day it isn't face to face.  The things I wish I would have done or would have said to him will never be done atleast not in this life time. 
I have found comfort in a talk given by Joseph B. Wirthlin Of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles.  I thought I would share a part of it with you.

 

When we are resurrected, “this mortal body is raised to an immortal body. … [We] can die no more.”⁴

Can you imagine that? Life at our prime? Never sick, never in pain, never burdened by the ills that so often beset us in mortality?

The Resurrection is at the core of our beliefs as Christians. Without it, our faith is meaningless. The Apostle Paul said, “If Christ be not risen, then is our preaching vain, and [our] faith is also vain.”⁵

In all the history of the world there have been many great and wise souls, many of whom claimed special knowledge of God. But when the Savior rose from the tomb, He did something no one had ever done. He did something no one else could do. He broke the bonds of death, not only for Himself but for all who have ever lived—the just and the unjust.⁶

When Christ rose from the grave, becoming the firstfruits of the Resurrection, He made that gift available to all. And with that sublime act, He softened the devastating, consuming sorrow that gnaws at the souls of those who have lost precious loved ones.

I think of how dark that Friday was when Christ was lifted up on the cross.

On that terrible Friday the earth shook and grew dark. Frightful storms lashed at the earth.

Those evil men who sought His life rejoiced. Now that Jesus was no more, surely those who followed Him would disperse. On that day they stood triumphant.

On that day the veil of the temple was rent in twain.

Mary Magdalene and Mary, the mother of Jesus, were both overcome with grief and despair. The superb man they had loved and honored hung lifeless upon the cross.

On that Friday the Apostles were devastated. Jesus, their Savior—the man who had walked on water and raised the dead—was Himself at the mercy of wicked men. They watched helplessly as He was overcome by His enemies.

On that Friday the Savior of mankind was humiliated and bruised, abused and reviled.

It was a Friday filled with devastating, consuming sorrow that gnawed at the souls of those who loved and honored the Son of God.

I think that of all the days since the beginning of this world’s history, that Friday was the darkest.

But the doom of that day did not endure.

The despair did not linger because on Sunday, the resurrected Lord burst the bonds of death. He ascended from the grave and appeared gloriously triumphant as the Savior of all mankind.

And in an instant the eyes that had been filled with ever-flowing tears dried. The lips that had whispered prayers of distress and grief now filled the air with wondrous praise, for Jesus the Christ, the Son of the living God, stood before them as the firstfruits of the Resurrection, the proof that death is merely the beginning of a new and wondrous existence.

Each of us will have our own Fridays—those days when the universe itself seems shattered and the shards of our world lie littered about us in pieces. We all will experience those broken times when it seems we can never be put together again. We will all have our Fridays.

But I testify to you in the name of the One who conquered death—Sunday will come. In the darkness of our sorrow, Sunday will come.

No matter our desperation, no matter our grief, Sunday will come. In this life or the next, Sunday will come.

 

How sweet and comforting are those words.  I am going through my Friday but I know my Sunday will come.  It may be a long journey but when my Sunday comes it will be a very sweet day.  I have a lot of healing to get through a lot of tears I am sure to still be shed.  I am planning on doing a post in honor of my brother but I am not up to it yet.  I hope you enjoyed these words as much I have.  Remeber tell those you love how very much you love them and how much they mean to you just in case tomorrow never comes.

Its just life right?

One of my biggest New Years resolutions was to be a more positive person. I have been doing a pretty good job at it but today not so much. I feel like life has dangled the light right in front of me for a breif period of time. Then before I knew it life had its way of doing what it always seems to do and took us for yet another ride on its fabulous merry go round.
Let me start at the first which happens to be on New Years Eve day. We started to smell a strange yet familiar smell in our house the smell of propane burning (which we smell when we go camping) we thought nothing of it until that night when it got really bad. With some investigating we realized it was our water heater. Up on the floo where it comes out of the house was covered in ice and we thought it was a thermal barrier. The next day Shad got up on our roof and removed the ice. Guess what it didn't work. Last night the smell got incredibly bad we turned on our carbon monoxide detector and it shot up to 350 way high we called Triple T (who by the way are super amazing) they came after hours and figured out the problem. However we needed to leave our house until its fixed. We decided to sleep at Shads mom and dads house. Brylie did not sleep at all she was up most of the night. We finally fell back to sleep around 6. Only to be woken by Shad who was making a fun noise. As I looked at him I realized he was having another seizure. Scared like always though not as much as before I yelled to his mom and dad. He came fnully to about an hour later but his memory was very foggy.
It makes me angry, sad, scared and confused. Why does Shad have to have medical problems? I honestly thought we were in the clear and he would stop having them. Now for the next 3 weeks I wont sleep I will be nervous not only of his seizures but carbon monoxide. I have always been a firm believer that God won't bring us to it if we can't get through it. When will we get through ot though? When will life be normal again? How much more can I handle?
Thanks for allowing me to vent...now here I go back to being positive!

So much for my goal!!!

I am horrible at this. Blogging is maybe not for me I don't know I am so busy at work then when I get home I would rather hang out with Brylie, Shad and our dog Khloe.  Plus the words I think inside my head sound so much better then they do when I type them out.  I guess I am not a very good writer.

Since it is almost the end of November and December is quickly approaching I decided it is time to start a new and get my bloggin a goin.  I really do want to do this.  My life is boring and I probably have only two readers out there maybe but that is ok!

This week I have been thinking of goals with New Years around the corner it is something that has been on my mind.  Things I want for next year.  I want 2013 to be the best year of my life.  I thought I would share with you what I have down so far for my goals

Lose weight: I have been struggling so hard with this one.  I have done so well at one point and lately I have gotten to the point where I do not want to try I want to eat everything that I want and not gain a pound.  However that is sadly not possible.  I have jotted a few things down to help me along the way.  Such as ways to make my sandwiches differently without miracle whip and instead use laughing cow light cheese spread and hollowing out a cucumber and filling it with the laughing cow and turkey.  I truly hope to accomplish this for once and for all!!!

 

 

Get out of debt: This is another big one.  By the end of 2013 I want to be completely out of debt or pretty darn near.  Debt is a bad thing it is not fun to be in and most of the time you can never see the end of the tunnel.  If I have a little faith and a lot of will power I will get there!  I love this picture it shows exactly what debt is.

 

Be a better person: Lately I have noticed a lot of negativity coming from myself.  I find that I am also being so hard on myself and jealous of others takes over a lot.  I tend to look at the negative things in life and not the good.  It is time to change and be the person I once was.  Caring, compassionate, understanding and positive.  I want to be a better me!

 



Spend more time doing family things

Start my Rory Gilmore Reading List

For now I think these ones are looking pretty good!  I will add some more when I come up with them.  Trust me there are a lot!!!  I really want to accomplish a ton of things this upcoming year:)

Changing it up

So I am finding it a little hard to blog an entire post about what I am thankful for.  I feel like I just ramble on and on.  So like other blogs I have seen I have decided I will write my post and at the end add on my thankful for the day.

Isn't it funny in life how the things that are suppose to help you can sometimes work the opposite and completely not help at all?  The last few weeks I have not been sleeping.  I was lucky to get 2-3 hours a night.  I would wake up and worry would come over me.  I would watch my husband like a hawk and wait for him to have another seizure.  I know like staying awake would do anything for him but he was sleep walking to and that added to my nervousness I was a wreck to say the least.  I found it strange though, with his first seizure life after a day or so went back to normal.  I didn't worry at all.  With this one I couldn't get in the shower while he was asleep or blow dry my hair simply because I could not hear him. 

Living on no sleep in miserable and for anyone with insomnia I am so so sorry it bites.  I considered having Shad sleep in a separate room, but then couldn't stand that I wouldn't hear him so that option was out.  I thought of sleeping pills but again I was scared that they would knock me out and I would sleep through everything.  So the other night I started thinking why am I so worried this time around, why can't I sleep, why can't I function normally?  Did I start something new that maybe is affecting me? 
That is when it hit me.  I had been out of my antidepressants for about a month (I know that is bad bad bad) and I had refilled them a week after Shads seizure and that is when all the crazy started.  I thought for sure it was a long shot but told Shad I wasn't going to take my pills for a few nights and see if it helped at all.  I stopped taking them Tuesday night.  I didn't get much sleep that night mostly I think my mind was on our appointment with Primary Children's the next day. Yet I didn't feel so panicky like I had every other night.  Wednesday night however my head hit the pillow and I woke up two times and went right back to sleep and last night I woke up once and fell right back to sleep.

I am amazed at the fact that antidepressants are suppose to help you feel normal yet they had started to make me feel like I was turning psycho.  As soon as I got off of them I started to feel normal again.  So needless to say now I need to find a new pill for that problem but I am happy to say I am sleeping again and I don't feel like a psycho wife who watches her husband sleep each night!  I am sure he is glad too!

Today I am thankful for sleep!!!

Thankful

Ok see this is why I don't blog I can never find the time to update it or really anything to blog about my life is pretty boring.

Today though I feel I need to post this.  I have been going through some difficult things these last few weeks.  I feel like I am in a different world or that I am isolated.  I haven't been getting any sleep I am lucky to get 3-4 hours a night.  It has taken its toll on me.  I don't feel like I can talk about it because who wants to hear about someone elses problems, don't we all have our own? 
Last night was an extremely difficult night for me.  I went to sleep around 9 woke up at 11 fell back to sleep around 2 woke up at 3 and never went back to sleep.  I cried as I lay there scared to death feeling like paranoia is taking over my life.  I didn't know how I was going to make it through my work day.  I was exhausted to say the least.  When I got to work blessings were in store for me.  Friends that knew I was stressed were there to comfort me and they listened to me they talked things out with me and gave me some suggestions to get past my stressors. 
You will never know how much this meant to me.  Just listening and being interested and talking things through with me.  Not that all my stress is gone or that I will sleep soundly again tonight I know that I have you guys to help me through as well as my family.  I have a great support system and I couldn't be more thankful for you all.  Sometimes just talking and making your fears heard makes a world of difference and I know it did today. 

Thankful Day 4

I am thankful for my amazing husband.  I have been married to Shad for 10 years we have been together for 13 years.  That is completely crazy to me.  Shad is the one person in this world who can keep me grounded.  He keeps my head on straight and reminds me not to over think things as I do a lot! 
I thought I would do this one a litte different.  Below is a list of things I love about Shad things that make him one of a kind to me and the only person I will ever want to spend my life with!

• He makes me smile
• He can make me laugh when I want to cry
• His big blue eyes
• He holds me at night
• He's an amazing dad
• A wonderful friend
• Looks good in his softball clothes (lol)
• Loves me unconditionally
• Tells me he loves me everyday
• Holds my hand in public
• Listens to me
• He knows me better than I know myself
• He is understands me when I don't understand myself
• He has made me a stronger person
• Being with him, Everything in my life becomes the best of everything
• He is sensitive and understanding
• He sees me for me and loves me still

There are so many many other reasons why I am thankful for my hubby but I am sure I would bore you!  Thank you Shad for everything in my life and for loving me through thick and thin!

Day 3 Thankfulness

 

Today I am thankful for Costco!  Yep you read that correctly.  I LOVE Costco and I am thankful that I no longer have to drive out to Orem to shop there.  I really am not sure why I love the store so much maybe it is the savings, the bulk items or maybe it is all the little tasties I get along my shopping route.

Our new store in Spanish Fork opened about a week or so ago and I patiently waited for the crowds to die down and we finally venture out today and go get some things we needed.  I loved looking at the many things they offer and tasting the little tid bits of food they had for everyone to taste.  I also love watching Brylie at Costco this girl LOVES the store and we have to walk up and down each aisle of the toys to make sure there isn’t something she may have not seen before.  All in all it was a fun day.  We got some of the essentials and a few fun things. 

I am thankful that I have the ability to buy the things I need.  To keep food on the table and clothes on our backs.  I am thankful that Costco is there to help me in bulk quantities!

Its the month to be thankful!

So I have been jotting down what I am Thankful for on Facebook.  Since it is the month of Thanks I figured I would do it here on my blog as well....If anything it will give me a reason to blog daily YAY!!!  Somedays I will do the same things as I do on Facebook others will be something different; I guess whatever I see fit is what I will go with.

I am thankful today for the power of prayer.  This one is a hard one for me to talk about.  Its personal but I think at the same time I would love to share it.  As you have read previously my husband has been diagnosed with Epilepsy.  For a time I was not sleeping I was stressed and terrified of another seizure occuring.  I decided I would ask friends if they had tried sleep aides and which ones they liked.  I really didn't like the thought of taking something to help me sleep, first I didn't want to become dependent on it and second I didn't want the side affects.  One of our good family freinds emailed me he and his wife have become some of our greatest friends in such a short time.  He had joked with me to try some whiskey that would knock me out!  When I got his email it brought tears to my eyes.  As he told me to pray for guidance and strength to be strong.  I knew he was right that Heavenly Father is there for me no matter what.  He will listen no matter how much I seem to ramble.
At first I was nervous I hadn't prayed in such a long time I wondered if I remembered how.  The next day on my way to work (I had been crying due to a flash back I had) I decided to pull over.  I was a few minutes early so along the backroads I take to work I pulled over and poured my heart, frustration and tears out to the man upstairs.  I can't tell you how great it felt to get it all out.  Not to hold back anything and quite frankly I didn't.  I thought I would ask for this obstacle to be removed and for Shad to never have a seizure.  I realized though that what I truly wanted was strength.  Strength to be strong for Shad, to know how to handle the seizures and the aftermath, strength to know it is ok and I can sleep at night.  I went about my day and didn't think too much of it; but I made a promise to pray daily even if it were just to tell someone how mad or sad or happy I am.
When I laid my head down that night to go to sleep I think I fell straight to sleep.  I didn't lay there and listen to Shads breath to make sure it didn't sound funny or sit and watch him to make sure a seizure wasn't going to occur.  I woke up 8 straight hours later.  Suprised I didn't wake every hour or every time Shad moved.  I slept.  I was so relieved. 
I have prayed every night and morning since.  I am still scared of the seizures but I know that I will be ok, we will be ok.  That peace of mind means so incredibly much to me.  I can get back to life now and I can look forward to go to sleep instead of dread it.

Parent Teachers

It is so weird to think that my baby girl is now in Kindergarten.  Where did all the time go?  Isn't it funny how time seems to move to slow but when you look back on it you have to wonder where it all went.  Brylie loves Kindergarten, she is actaully in a transititional Kindergarten because of her being behind due to her Arnold Chiari.  TK (transititional kindergarten) is the best thing for her.  In the 3 months she has been in there she has came such a long way from where she was.
Last night we had our first Parent Teacher conference of the school year.  I was excited to go and hear how Brylie is doing and what we can improve on.  I love Brylies' teacher Mrs. Thomas she is so wonderful and you can see that she truly loves the children in her class.  Mrs. Thomas had lots to say about Brylie like she is doing so great and has come a long ways in a few short months. She also told us although Brylie is doing well she can't tell us where she will go next year, if she will go to regular kindergarten or be put in a special program.  This as a mom was hard for me to hear.  As a mom you want the best for your child. You want them to grow up with out any bullies bothering them, without the fear they are different and see that as a bad thing and you want them to have a perfect life. When I heard this it scared me will there be kids who make fun of her for being in a special class, will she be sad to not be with the other kids who are in regular classes?  After the meeting with her teacher we took her down to the book fair at her school and let her pick out a few books she wanted.  We ended up with Llama Llama Christmas Drama, Silverlicous, and Dream Big Little Pig.

I pondered what her teacher had told us for such a long time.  We ate and it was on my mind, we watched TV and it was still on my mind I finally took a bath to relax and unwind and it still lingered on my mind.  Then came my favorite time of night when I curl up in bed with Brylie and we read our nighttime book.  We picked one of our new books Dream Big Little Pig.  I think it was just the book I needed to read.  The moral of the story is it doesn't matter what others say you can't do or shouldn't do, you do what makes you happy and you will succeed.  After I read I told Brylie she could fall asleep in my bed and as I cuddled up with her I thought long and hard.
Brylie is so incredibly special to so many people.  She truly has a heart of gold and wants everyone to be happy.  I think she was sent to our family for a special purpose and she has brought so much joy and love into our home.  I also thought that she still has a whole school year and even if she has to go to a special class nothing will ever change my special little girl because she does Dream Big.  She teaches me each and every day that it doesn't matter what others think of you because at home is where the only people who matter are.  They are there for you rain, shine, pretty, homely, on a bad day and on good days.  Believing in your self is the best medicine for anything.  So I am going to help Brylie as much as she needs but in the end realize that no matter what it will be ok.  She will go where she is destined to go.

Brylie I love you so so much.  You came into our lives and have changed it for the better every single day.  You make me want to be a more humble person.  You make me want to live a better life and treat everyone equal because that is what they deserve in life.  Thank you for all you teach me and for loving me unconditionally.  I love you to infinity and beyond.

Welcome to our life!!!

Hi and welcome to our blog.  I must say this is like my hmm 3rd blog lol I just haven't found the time to keep up with the others however I really want to make this one work so here is to hoping!

I have always leaned on my husband for everything.  Most of wives do.  I have become so use to him being my protector and keeping me safe.  If I hear a bump in the night, have a bad dream, a bad day, receive bad news or really anything he is there to make me feel better and to protect me from being hurt or sad.  I have really never thought about the tables being turned and me having to protect him.  That is until our lives first changed a little over 2 months ago.  It was a Friday morning Shad was off work so he was able to sleep in.  I woke up at 6:45 went about my normal routine plugged in my hair straightener and went to let Khloe out to go potty.  When I got up the stairs and was patiently (ok more impatiently waiting, it was cold) I heard a loud scream.  I ran down stairs thinking something had happened to Brylie maybe she had fallen out of bed, had a bad dream or somehow hurt herself.  As I got down the stairs and glanced in our room I noticed Shad had his arm straight up in the air which I though was rather strange, I flicked on the light and that is when I saw a nightmare, Shad was in convulsions.  His eyes I will never forget they were rolling in the back of his head and he was gagging and turning a bluish color.  I called 911 and I was freaking out I couldn't stop shaking long enough to talk.  He had a seizure in his sleep and he started waking up before medics arrived at our home.  I tried everything I could to keep him lying down; because of the way his mouth looked (almost like it was paralyzed) we thought he had a stroke and 911 told me to keep him lying down.  I couldn't he was too strong and he got very combative.  I was scared to say the least when the police arrived and soon after the medics and they told me it did in fact look like he had suffered from a stroke.  I somehow managed to call my brother to come get Brylie so I could go in the ambulance with Shad.  I can't even describe how I felt going to the hospital.  Luckily when they ran all of his test it came back that he had just suffered from a seizure and when it happened he knocked his jaw out of place.  They popped it back in and quickly told us there was no signs of anything major; tumor, blood on the brain or a stroke.  Some people have one seizure in their lives and never have another again.  Relief flooded over me.  To tell the truth when he first went into his seizure I was scared I was losing him.  It took him a while to fully come to and his memory was very foggy.  I didn't sleep much that weekend all I could do is watch him sleep and pray it didn't happen again.  Real relief finally came when we saw the Neurologist and he told us everything looked fine and he probably wouldn't ever have another.  I finally felt able to sleep and not worry anymore.
Then it struck again.  My sister in law Michelle and I walk every other morning.  We had to skip our Wednesday walk but decided we would go on Thursday.  Thursday morning Michelle text me and said her foot hurt and she wasn't going to go.  I got back in bed thankful I could sleep another 2 hours.  Just when I started to drift I heard a scream that changed my life.  My eyes flew open and this time I knew what it meant.  Shad was having another seizure.  I remained calmer this time around.  I quickly called Shads mom and dad to come over because I can't control him.  I turned him onto his left side like they tell you to do and let him have his seizure.  I ended up having to call 911 because I couldn't control him when he started waking up and he tried leaving the house YIKES!  They came and because he was seeing people who weren't here we decided to take him to the hospital.  They diagnosed him with Epilepsy.  Now my life is forever changed.
As I have thought so much about this all week so many things have came to mind.  I don't know about you but I believe everything happens for a reason.  Although we don't see the positive that things bring I think there are positives that come out of every situation.  I have seen that I need to be strong for my husband and that I need to trust in myself that I do know how to control the situation and it will all be ok.  We will welcome this new thing in our lives because frankly we don't have any other choice.  However it does bring us closer and it makes our love a little stronger.  This is just another hill on our crazy roller coaster ride!