Hello

You would think that yesterday would have been hard for me.  I don't know maybe the day was too busy, maybe my phone rang off the hook because that is what I needed was a distraction.  Sadly today is super slow and I have a lot of time to think.  I don't like thinking somedays they take me places I don't want to go, places that I can't seem to leave.  Everyone tells me to remember the happy memories and I promise I do remember them I just miss you so incredibly much.

I love driving in the car by myself.  It gives me a chance to talk to you and tell you all the things that have happened in the month since you left us.  I try to talk to you every chance I get.  It makes me feel good to know that you are all around me watching and listening to me.  I wish I could hear your voice back.  Sometimes I feel your arms wrap around me but then I think I am just crazy it can't be can it?  I have done a lot of thinking since you have been gone.  How I want my life to be and what kind of a person I want to be.  It is hard to give yourself a good look in the mirror and admit all the things that you want to change.  Not the physical part but the inner part of you.  For example I want to be a more kind and loving person, one who doesn't speak mean of others.  I want to be someone that I want Brylie to grow up to be.  Truth be told I want to be more like you in that aspect of life.  You had the kindest and most loving heart.  I miss that.
The last few days a memory keeps popping in my head.  It is the same memory time and time again. At first I really didn't understand why this memory was one I kept thinking of.  Then I realized it makes me laugh and I can see you laughing so hard and I am grateful to keep having the memory play in my head.  Your laugh was contagious and whenever I heard you laughing it spread like a wildfire.  Maybe it is you making sure memories pop up when I need them.  They seem to be what I need at that exact moment in life and they help push me through.  I guess it really is my Guardian Angel just watching over me and making sure I am happier and that the sadness doesn't overcome me.
I have started writing my bucket list.  Things I want to accomplish before I have to say goodbye to this life.  You will be proud to know the top thing on my list is to skydive.  I wish you and I could have gone together but I know that you will be right there beside me.  I want so many things out of my life because you didn't get them in yours.  I want to embrace this life and love it for everything it has to give.  There will be bad days but on those bad days I will think back to the good days and know they aren't too far away.  This may sound bad but thank you for giving me this gift.  Who knew even in death you would still make sure to give.  I want so much more out of life and as the days continue to get a little easier I know I will work towards that.  Thank you for showing me things in life that only a big brother could.  Thank you for taking the time out of your day to always be my friend and always make sure I had someone to play house with or even barbies with.  Thank you for sharing your smile, smirk and laugh with me.  Thank you for the unconditional love you always had for me.

I love you

I love it

Life has been rough for me the past few weeks.  Someone that I love so dearly was taken from me.  My older brother Mike passed away on January 18th.  It has been the hardest thing I have and still am going through.  I have realized things in my life in the days since his death.  Never take the ones you love for granted they could be gone in a split second.  Make sure you let others know how much you love and adore them.  I will never get to tell my brother face to face these things again, although I do tell him every single day it isn't face to face.  The things I wish I would have done or would have said to him will never be done atleast not in this life time. 
I have found comfort in a talk given by Joseph B. Wirthlin Of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles.  I thought I would share a part of it with you.

 

When we are resurrected, “this mortal body is raised to an immortal body. … [We] can die no more.”⁴

Can you imagine that? Life at our prime? Never sick, never in pain, never burdened by the ills that so often beset us in mortality?

The Resurrection is at the core of our beliefs as Christians. Without it, our faith is meaningless. The Apostle Paul said, “If Christ be not risen, then is our preaching vain, and [our] faith is also vain.”⁵

In all the history of the world there have been many great and wise souls, many of whom claimed special knowledge of God. But when the Savior rose from the tomb, He did something no one had ever done. He did something no one else could do. He broke the bonds of death, not only for Himself but for all who have ever lived—the just and the unjust.⁶

When Christ rose from the grave, becoming the firstfruits of the Resurrection, He made that gift available to all. And with that sublime act, He softened the devastating, consuming sorrow that gnaws at the souls of those who have lost precious loved ones.

I think of how dark that Friday was when Christ was lifted up on the cross.

On that terrible Friday the earth shook and grew dark. Frightful storms lashed at the earth.

Those evil men who sought His life rejoiced. Now that Jesus was no more, surely those who followed Him would disperse. On that day they stood triumphant.

On that day the veil of the temple was rent in twain.

Mary Magdalene and Mary, the mother of Jesus, were both overcome with grief and despair. The superb man they had loved and honored hung lifeless upon the cross.

On that Friday the Apostles were devastated. Jesus, their Savior—the man who had walked on water and raised the dead—was Himself at the mercy of wicked men. They watched helplessly as He was overcome by His enemies.

On that Friday the Savior of mankind was humiliated and bruised, abused and reviled.

It was a Friday filled with devastating, consuming sorrow that gnawed at the souls of those who loved and honored the Son of God.

I think that of all the days since the beginning of this world’s history, that Friday was the darkest.

But the doom of that day did not endure.

The despair did not linger because on Sunday, the resurrected Lord burst the bonds of death. He ascended from the grave and appeared gloriously triumphant as the Savior of all mankind.

And in an instant the eyes that had been filled with ever-flowing tears dried. The lips that had whispered prayers of distress and grief now filled the air with wondrous praise, for Jesus the Christ, the Son of the living God, stood before them as the firstfruits of the Resurrection, the proof that death is merely the beginning of a new and wondrous existence.

Each of us will have our own Fridays—those days when the universe itself seems shattered and the shards of our world lie littered about us in pieces. We all will experience those broken times when it seems we can never be put together again. We will all have our Fridays.

But I testify to you in the name of the One who conquered death—Sunday will come. In the darkness of our sorrow, Sunday will come.

No matter our desperation, no matter our grief, Sunday will come. In this life or the next, Sunday will come.

 

How sweet and comforting are those words.  I am going through my Friday but I know my Sunday will come.  It may be a long journey but when my Sunday comes it will be a very sweet day.  I have a lot of healing to get through a lot of tears I am sure to still be shed.  I am planning on doing a post in honor of my brother but I am not up to it yet.  I hope you enjoyed these words as much I have.  Remeber tell those you love how very much you love them and how much they mean to you just in case tomorrow never comes.