Friday, November 16, 2012

Changing it up

So I am finding it a little hard to blog an entire post about what I am thankful for.  I feel like I just ramble on and on.  So like other blogs I have seen I have decided I will write my post and at the end add on my thankful for the day.

Isn't it funny in life how the things that are suppose to help you can sometimes work the opposite and completely not help at all?  The last few weeks I have not been sleeping.  I was lucky to get 2-3 hours a night.  I would wake up and worry would come over me.  I would watch my husband like a hawk and wait for him to have another seizure.  I know like staying awake would do anything for him but he was sleep walking to and that added to my nervousness I was a wreck to say the least.  I found it strange though, with his first seizure life after a day or so went back to normal.  I didn't worry at all.  With this one I couldn't get in the shower while he was asleep or blow dry my hair simply because I could not hear him. 

Living on no sleep in miserable and for anyone with insomnia I am so so sorry it bites.  I considered having Shad sleep in a separate room, but then couldn't stand that I wouldn't hear him so that option was out.  I thought of sleeping pills but again I was scared that they would knock me out and I would sleep through everything.  So the other night I started thinking why am I so worried this time around, why can't I sleep, why can't I function normally?  Did I start something new that maybe is affecting me? 
That is when it hit me.  I had been out of my antidepressants for about a month (I know that is bad bad bad) and I had refilled them a week after Shads seizure and that is when all the crazy started.  I thought for sure it was a long shot but told Shad I wasn't going to take my pills for a few nights and see if it helped at all.  I stopped taking them Tuesday night.  I didn't get much sleep that night mostly I think my mind was on our appointment with Primary Children's the next day. Yet I didn't feel so panicky like I had every other night.  Wednesday night however my head hit the pillow and I woke up two times and went right back to sleep and last night I woke up once and fell right back to sleep.

I am amazed at the fact that antidepressants are suppose to help you feel normal yet they had started to make me feel like I was turning psycho.  As soon as I got off of them I started to feel normal again.  So needless to say now I need to find a new pill for that problem but I am happy to say I am sleeping again and I don't feel like a psycho wife who watches her husband sleep each night!  I am sure he is glad too!

Today I am thankful for sleep!!!

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