So I have been jotting down what I am Thankful for on Facebook. Since it is the month of Thanks I figured I would do it here on my blog as well....If anything it will give me a reason to blog daily YAY!!! Somedays I will do the same things as I do on Facebook others will be something different; I guess whatever I see fit is what I will go with.
I am thankful today for the power of prayer. This one is a hard one for me to talk about. Its personal but I think at the same time I would love to share it. As you have read previously my husband has been diagnosed with Epilepsy. For a time I was not sleeping I was stressed and terrified of another seizure occuring. I decided I would ask friends if they had tried sleep aides and which ones they liked. I really didn't like the thought of taking something to help me sleep, first I didn't want to become dependent on it and second I didn't want the side affects. One of our good family freinds emailed me he and his wife have become some of our greatest friends in such a short time. He had joked with me to try some whiskey that would knock me out! When I got his email it brought tears to my eyes. As he told me to pray for guidance and strength to be strong. I knew he was right that Heavenly Father is there for me no matter what. He will listen no matter how much I seem to ramble.
At first I was nervous I hadn't prayed in such a long time I wondered if I remembered how. The next day on my way to work (I had been crying due to a flash back I had) I decided to pull over. I was a few minutes early so along the backroads I take to work I pulled over and poured my heart, frustration and tears out to the man upstairs. I can't tell you how great it felt to get it all out. Not to hold back anything and quite frankly I didn't. I thought I would ask for this obstacle to be removed and for Shad to never have a seizure. I realized though that what I truly wanted was strength. Strength to be strong for Shad, to know how to handle the seizures and the aftermath, strength to know it is ok and I can sleep at night. I went about my day and didn't think too much of it; but I made a promise to pray daily even if it were just to tell someone how mad or sad or happy I am.
When I laid my head down that night to go to sleep I think I fell straight to sleep. I didn't lay there and listen to Shads breath to make sure it didn't sound funny or sit and watch him to make sure a seizure wasn't going to occur. I woke up 8 straight hours later. Suprised I didn't wake every hour or every time Shad moved. I slept. I was so relieved.
I have prayed every night and morning since. I am still scared of the seizures but I know that I will be ok, we will be ok. That peace of mind means so incredibly much to me. I can get back to life now and I can look forward to go to sleep instead of dread it.