I came across this picture today and I totally thought of my Brylie:)  Love that little girl!

What I needed today

I am going through a lot in my life.  I have been going through a lot this year.  My trials at times have had me down on my knees bawling.  There have been times I have felt I couldn't move forward.  I am doing a lot better than I thought I ever could be though on most days.  My life has taken a huge turn that I honestly didn't expect to happen for years (or really ever to be completely honest).  I know I am doing what I should be doing, I am where I need to be.  I am also so scared for the future so scared for the present.  I really needed to hear these sweet words today:

Don’t you stop. Don’t you dare give up. Not even for a moment. Even through the worst of times you can feel Him. Do not stop yourself. Help is always there. Comfort is always there. Christ is always there. Not ever will He leave. Not once. Not even for a second. Turn to Him. Trust. Listen. Keep going always. And receive the best ever created for you. You can do this. And it will be greater than you ever could have imagined for yourself. And you will look back and be blown away and left speechless with the direction your life has gone in.

I can't see what the future will hold and what will happen on this path that I am on.  I have to let go of my fears and just trust in the Lord.  Trust that what I am doing is right and that there is a plan for me.  I also have to trust in Him to know that all things are ok.  That people who I have lost in the last few months they are OK.  They are happy and they are at peace and that there is something more grand in store for them.  I will keep going, I won't give up:)

Tuedays Tips

To make blogging a little easier for me I have decided to follow my friend Denise's daily blog ideas.  Thanks Denise for making me look forward to blogging and ideas to blog about:)
So Tuesdays will now be Tuesday's Tips.  Any craft tip I can share, recipe or really anything I will share with you.


On Friday Brylie had her tonsils and adenoids removed.  Which is not fun.  We have had to eat a lot of soft foods.  So mostly we have eaten soup, cottage cheese, pancakes, mac n cheese and mashed potatoes.  The day of her surgery when we got home I found a good recipe for some Cream of Broccoli and decided to make it.  It would be something easy for Brylie to eat plus the warmth would help her that much more.  I wasn't sure about this recipe because I have one recipe that I love and I hate to try new things.  Once I go done making my soup I got a spoon and took a taste.  DELICIOUS is what hit my mouth.  This soup is so yummy and best of all it only takes about a half hour start to finish.  I decided I will share the recipe so you can enjoy it as well:)  I doubled mine but the recipe below is not doubled:

1 10 3/4 oz can cream of chicken
1 tsp chicken bouillon
Broccoli
4 baking potatoes peeled and cubed
1 cup sour cream
2 cups water

Put your water, peeled and cut potatoes, chicken bouillon, and broccoli into a pan salt and pepper to taste and boil until veggies are soft.  When they are done mash the veggies.  Mix in your cream of chicken soup and sour cream.  DONE! See told you it was super super easy.  The only thing I did different on mine other than doubling it was I added an extra tsp of chicken bouillon.  You can add cheese or carrots just depending on what you like. 

So there you have it some delicious soup for a cold night or just for a wonderful and easy meal:)  Happy eating all!!!

Memory Monday

Hi peeps.  It has been a while since I have blogged.  I am going to change that (I seriously am going to try better this time around.)  A lot of things have been happening in my life the last little while.  Which is part of the reason I have not been keeping up on here.  I have been sad and happy, stressed and blessed all at the same time.  It has been a crazy little while here in my world.
With my week being a really crappy one I figured I would make my blog happy.  That is how the world should be.  So today is now Memory Monday on my blog!  Hopefully I can remember enough memories lol!

The memory I chose for today is one of my favorites a  memory that has been on my mind a lot lately.  I am not sure why but ever since my brother passed away this memory hits me every single day.  It is a simple memory but the thing I think remember most from this memory is my brothers smile.  I have been trying to find words to describe his smile.  Contagious, lively, happy but most important was the way I felt seeing it I felt loved and warm inside.  His smile alone made me feel as though my heart were full and everything in the world was perfect.  Who knew a smile from one person could be so amazing.

When we were little my brothers best friend Chad pretty much lived at our house.  Chad and Mike were always either teaching me how to get into trouble or they would gang up on me although they were never mean, at least that is how I like to think.  Whether they were throwing tennis balls at me, teaching me how to slide down the stairs in sleeping bags (by they way this was a ton of fun!!!) or hiding things from me they were always finding something to pester the little sister with.  One day when they came down stairs I was in our, at the time play room/ tv room, coloring away in my coloring book with some new markers.  Of course one of them ,I am not sure which one started, but the other of course followed in the others footsteps and took one too.  I got mad at this point.  Hello if you don't know me I love pens, pencils, markers and crayons and here they were stealing my brand new markers.  I finally blew, I took the lid off of one and threw it at them.  I hit my target and a big purple line ran down Chads face!  Victory was mine for about a second if that.  Little did I know by doing that I started a full blown marker war.  There were markers flying everywhere.  As you would run for cover markers would be flying towards you in all directions.  I remember laughing so hard.  I soon forgot how this whole war started the three of us were just having so much fun.  By the time our marker war ended we were each colored with marker lines all over us.

I love this memory.  It probably seems like such a strange memory but to me it holds a special place in my heart.  It reminds me of a simpler time.  A time when all things were never taken too seriously and life was about having fun with family and friends.  In my mind I can see both of their faces and it brings a smile to my face.  A smile that today was surely needed!

Trying to be more like HER

We all have people we look up to in life.  People who inspire us to want to be better who show us the way life is meant to be. 
I have a very special person whom I look up to.  Look down would be a better choice of words because the person who does this for me is my 5 year old (almost 6) baby girl Brylie.  I am not sure what God was thinking when he sent me such an amazing little spirit, but I am sure he knew she was what each and every family member needed in their lives.  I am blessed to be her mom, her friend, her teacher and her pupil.

Words alone can't express how I feel about this little girl and what a profound effect she has on me and my life.  Brylie is only 5 yet she is so wise beyond her years.  Anyone and everyone who comes in contact with Brylie is drawn in to her.  She does something to people, she brings out the best in every one and when you are around her you just can't help but feel happiness and joy. 

As most everyone knows these last few months have been hard on me.  Losing my brother was the hardest thing I have gone through in my life.  Not only because I lost him but because my little girl lost her uncle who she loves and adored.  Things are getting better although I still have my sad days and moments.  However when I have them and Brylie is around she always reminds "Mommy be happy don't cry, uncle Mike is happy.  Uncle Mike loves you."  She warms my heart and I know that she is absolutely correct.  I believe with all my heart that her veil is very thin and she has stayed so close to the veil.  I believe God has a special mission for her and if I do say so myself she is doing an incredible job on her mission. 

Brylie came into this world a fighter.  From the time she was just a few weeks old whenever she ate she would projectile vomit everywhere (ok I know you all wanted to hear that so much sorry) she also could not go to the bathroom.  Our doctor told us it was a severe case of acid reflux.  When you become a mom I think you are granted this 6th sense.  You know what is true and what is not true about your child.  I knew Brylie didn't have acid reflux yet no one would listen to me.  Finally after about 2 years someone finally figured it all out she has Arnold Chiari and Hydrocephalus and would need to have a shunt put in.  It was a scary time for our family.  This meant they would have to drill into Brys head and I wasn't sure I could handle that.  Needless to say everything went fine.  During all of this all the throwing up and so many more problems Brylie never lost her happiness.  After surgery she came out smiling happy as could be. 
Brylie is always happy she always has a big smile on her face and a hug for everyone.  She sees people as people.  She doesn't see skin color, deformities, fat, skinny, smart, not so smart she sees beyond all of that and sees what is inside every single one of us.  She loves every person she meets and it seems as though they are instantly attracted to her.

I don't know what I have done to be so deserving of such an amazing child to be brought into my life.  She is what everyone in our family has needed she has filled our hearts with so much joy, happiness and love. 
I think Heavenly Father knew my journey in life would have some bumps along the way, he knew at some point my heart would be harden and I would start to lose my way in this life.  I believe without a single doubt in my mind that he sent her here to soften my heart, to make me see the world an the people in this world in a different way.  She shows me that each day has beauty in it and everyone is deserving of love like they have never known.  Unbelievable things have happened since she has been in my life.  I have been touched like I have never felt before I have been LOVED as I never have before.  I thank Heavenly Father for caring for me so much to know exactly what I would need in this life.  He knew it would take a special someone and he delivered her into my arms.  I have learned from her and her struggles that no one deserves to be judged for we don't know the battles they may be fighting in their own lives.  Every single person deserves to be treated equal and deserves to be treated how we ourselves want to be treated. 

I want to apologize to any one and everyone who may read this who I may have made feel bad, uncomfortable or that I don't like you.  I am sorry if I have ever judged you, talked not so nice of you or been snotty to you.  I am trying to change.  I am trying to be more like HER.  Mostly I want to thank my little girl Brylie.  Thank you for showing me just how beautiful life can be thank you for loving me unconditionally and for always seeing past what I think are flaws in myself.  I love you more than words will ever be able to describe.  You my princess are beautiful inside and out and you are wise beyond your years.  Heaven holds a special place for you and I hope I can be deserving enough to be next to you when that time comes.  I love you!

Hello

You would think that yesterday would have been hard for me.  I don't know maybe the day was too busy, maybe my phone rang off the hook because that is what I needed was a distraction.  Sadly today is super slow and I have a lot of time to think.  I don't like thinking somedays they take me places I don't want to go, places that I can't seem to leave.  Everyone tells me to remember the happy memories and I promise I do remember them I just miss you so incredibly much.

I love driving in the car by myself.  It gives me a chance to talk to you and tell you all the things that have happened in the month since you left us.  I try to talk to you every chance I get.  It makes me feel good to know that you are all around me watching and listening to me.  I wish I could hear your voice back.  Sometimes I feel your arms wrap around me but then I think I am just crazy it can't be can it?  I have done a lot of thinking since you have been gone.  How I want my life to be and what kind of a person I want to be.  It is hard to give yourself a good look in the mirror and admit all the things that you want to change.  Not the physical part but the inner part of you.  For example I want to be a more kind and loving person, one who doesn't speak mean of others.  I want to be someone that I want Brylie to grow up to be.  Truth be told I want to be more like you in that aspect of life.  You had the kindest and most loving heart.  I miss that.
The last few days a memory keeps popping in my head.  It is the same memory time and time again. At first I really didn't understand why this memory was one I kept thinking of.  Then I realized it makes me laugh and I can see you laughing so hard and I am grateful to keep having the memory play in my head.  Your laugh was contagious and whenever I heard you laughing it spread like a wildfire.  Maybe it is you making sure memories pop up when I need them.  They seem to be what I need at that exact moment in life and they help push me through.  I guess it really is my Guardian Angel just watching over me and making sure I am happier and that the sadness doesn't overcome me.
I have started writing my bucket list.  Things I want to accomplish before I have to say goodbye to this life.  You will be proud to know the top thing on my list is to skydive.  I wish you and I could have gone together but I know that you will be right there beside me.  I want so many things out of my life because you didn't get them in yours.  I want to embrace this life and love it for everything it has to give.  There will be bad days but on those bad days I will think back to the good days and know they aren't too far away.  This may sound bad but thank you for giving me this gift.  Who knew even in death you would still make sure to give.  I want so much more out of life and as the days continue to get a little easier I know I will work towards that.  Thank you for showing me things in life that only a big brother could.  Thank you for taking the time out of your day to always be my friend and always make sure I had someone to play house with or even barbies with.  Thank you for sharing your smile, smirk and laugh with me.  Thank you for the unconditional love you always had for me.

I love you

I love it

Life has been rough for me the past few weeks.  Someone that I love so dearly was taken from me.  My older brother Mike passed away on January 18th.  It has been the hardest thing I have and still am going through.  I have realized things in my life in the days since his death.  Never take the ones you love for granted they could be gone in a split second.  Make sure you let others know how much you love and adore them.  I will never get to tell my brother face to face these things again, although I do tell him every single day it isn't face to face.  The things I wish I would have done or would have said to him will never be done atleast not in this life time. 
I have found comfort in a talk given by Joseph B. Wirthlin Of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles.  I thought I would share a part of it with you.

 

When we are resurrected, “this mortal body is raised to an immortal body. … [We] can die no more.”⁴

Can you imagine that? Life at our prime? Never sick, never in pain, never burdened by the ills that so often beset us in mortality?

The Resurrection is at the core of our beliefs as Christians. Without it, our faith is meaningless. The Apostle Paul said, “If Christ be not risen, then is our preaching vain, and [our] faith is also vain.”⁵

In all the history of the world there have been many great and wise souls, many of whom claimed special knowledge of God. But when the Savior rose from the tomb, He did something no one had ever done. He did something no one else could do. He broke the bonds of death, not only for Himself but for all who have ever lived—the just and the unjust.⁶

When Christ rose from the grave, becoming the firstfruits of the Resurrection, He made that gift available to all. And with that sublime act, He softened the devastating, consuming sorrow that gnaws at the souls of those who have lost precious loved ones.

I think of how dark that Friday was when Christ was lifted up on the cross.

On that terrible Friday the earth shook and grew dark. Frightful storms lashed at the earth.

Those evil men who sought His life rejoiced. Now that Jesus was no more, surely those who followed Him would disperse. On that day they stood triumphant.

On that day the veil of the temple was rent in twain.

Mary Magdalene and Mary, the mother of Jesus, were both overcome with grief and despair. The superb man they had loved and honored hung lifeless upon the cross.

On that Friday the Apostles were devastated. Jesus, their Savior—the man who had walked on water and raised the dead—was Himself at the mercy of wicked men. They watched helplessly as He was overcome by His enemies.

On that Friday the Savior of mankind was humiliated and bruised, abused and reviled.

It was a Friday filled with devastating, consuming sorrow that gnawed at the souls of those who loved and honored the Son of God.

I think that of all the days since the beginning of this world’s history, that Friday was the darkest.

But the doom of that day did not endure.

The despair did not linger because on Sunday, the resurrected Lord burst the bonds of death. He ascended from the grave and appeared gloriously triumphant as the Savior of all mankind.

And in an instant the eyes that had been filled with ever-flowing tears dried. The lips that had whispered prayers of distress and grief now filled the air with wondrous praise, for Jesus the Christ, the Son of the living God, stood before them as the firstfruits of the Resurrection, the proof that death is merely the beginning of a new and wondrous existence.

Each of us will have our own Fridays—those days when the universe itself seems shattered and the shards of our world lie littered about us in pieces. We all will experience those broken times when it seems we can never be put together again. We will all have our Fridays.

But I testify to you in the name of the One who conquered death—Sunday will come. In the darkness of our sorrow, Sunday will come.

No matter our desperation, no matter our grief, Sunday will come. In this life or the next, Sunday will come.

 

How sweet and comforting are those words.  I am going through my Friday but I know my Sunday will come.  It may be a long journey but when my Sunday comes it will be a very sweet day.  I have a lot of healing to get through a lot of tears I am sure to still be shed.  I am planning on doing a post in honor of my brother but I am not up to it yet.  I hope you enjoyed these words as much I have.  Remeber tell those you love how very much you love them and how much they mean to you just in case tomorrow never comes.

Its just life right?

One of my biggest New Years resolutions was to be a more positive person. I have been doing a pretty good job at it but today not so much. I feel like life has dangled the light right in front of me for a breif period of time. Then before I knew it life had its way of doing what it always seems to do and took us for yet another ride on its fabulous merry go round.
Let me start at the first which happens to be on New Years Eve day. We started to smell a strange yet familiar smell in our house the smell of propane burning (which we smell when we go camping) we thought nothing of it until that night when it got really bad. With some investigating we realized it was our water heater. Up on the floo where it comes out of the house was covered in ice and we thought it was a thermal barrier. The next day Shad got up on our roof and removed the ice. Guess what it didn't work. Last night the smell got incredibly bad we turned on our carbon monoxide detector and it shot up to 350 way high we called Triple T (who by the way are super amazing) they came after hours and figured out the problem. However we needed to leave our house until its fixed. We decided to sleep at Shads mom and dads house. Brylie did not sleep at all she was up most of the night. We finally fell back to sleep around 6. Only to be woken by Shad who was making a fun noise. As I looked at him I realized he was having another seizure. Scared like always though not as much as before I yelled to his mom and dad. He came fnully to about an hour later but his memory was very foggy.
It makes me angry, sad, scared and confused. Why does Shad have to have medical problems? I honestly thought we were in the clear and he would stop having them. Now for the next 3 weeks I wont sleep I will be nervous not only of his seizures but carbon monoxide. I have always been a firm believer that God won't bring us to it if we can't get through it. When will we get through ot though? When will life be normal again? How much more can I handle?
Thanks for allowing me to vent...now here I go back to being positive!